Words by Aimee O'Keefe
Sometimes I write things down to help teach myself, listen more to my inner voice and at times, to lead myself to believe what I’m saying. This year has been odd, and for the first time in a long time, I have no conception of the future, my future, plans, goals, nothing. I don’t think I’m alone in this feeling, as a lot of young people probably are experiencing the same emotions.
Amidst this sense of stagnancy and stillness, the one thing I know is that you are here, and you have no other option. So, you can either choose to wallow, be sad, self-sabotage OR you can be grateful, happy and just live.
This was a weird moment for me because this meant for the first time in my adult existence, I was looking at my life through a lens of permanency. I have always looked at my life as a moving train, always looking forward to the next big thing whether it’s a trip or a stint overseas. I had never fully imagined just, simply, living every year of my life here in Australia. Even though this is normal and completely fine, I saw this as boring, lacking adventure, and a time reserved for later in life. But, part of this conception was probably also a desire to escape, run away and reject the (actually pretty good) things that make my life in Australia.
Through this mental shift, I’ve found myself living in a spot I truly love, I have found my weekends being filled with spontaneous road trips and my weeks filled with everything in between. For the first time, I have found myself feeling so full with the people surrounding me.
I always regarded Australia as the best country, and I wouldn’t want to settle anywhere else. Though, I always rejected the possibility of living my youth here. However, I’ve realised, living here now, as a 24-year-old- it is fun, full of adventure, nature, long car drives, sun, ocean, family and long-time friends. There is so much to see and I’m glad I am getting to see some of it now.
It’s also no secret that setting up in Australia is easier – I have my family, I have government support, I don’t need to fight constantly for a visa, I have access. I have a car, I have hand-me-downs from my cool auntie, and I can dibs the random table and expensive-barely-used rug my mum no longer needs. Things are easy, and that doesn’t mean you can’t take them. I have always had a habit of choosing the harder option, because it is more rewarding in the end, and this I still do believe. But, the easier option can also be so rewarding. Just because things are easy, doesn’t mean they aren’t right or good. Simplicity is ok.
Over the past year, I have strangely been craving stability. This has been very unfamiliar to me, and almost unsettling. All of a sudden, I see families with a dog and long for a house, someone who loves me and little kids of my own- WHAT is going on!?!
I think the sheer uncertainty and instability of my life at the moment, getting caught in a endless stream of casual relationships, a newfound idea of which city I should move to each week and no concept of what I even want to do for a career has made me crave the complete opposite end of the spectrum. Whilst I have enabled myself to embrace the uncertainty that I am so used to because it’s normal and ok in the life of someone in their mid-twenties- I am kind of sick of it.
So, I decided to listen to this craving. For once, I started to think about things with more longevity as this equates to more stability- and this is what my body is telling me to seek! So, I am making grounds in my home- from making local friends to buying linen sheets and a bed frame! That’s commitment If I ever heard it. Also, for the first time I am open to the idea of having a partner! Dating! A boyfriend! Craziness!
I will even go as far as to say that I WANT one. If I am going to be here, I may as well have some love in my life right!? This is powerful to admit because for so long I was against even the possibility of meeting someone, because I was so scared that a relationship would make me comfortable. I would stay living in the one place where my partner is, I would not want to move, I wouldn’t do the bold, crazy things I planned on doing. But now, I’m open.
I am also open to the idea that partners can move through the world together. You don’t have to do everything on your own. As much as I love moving overseas by myself and not knowing anyone or having any support, it really can get lonely. Perhaps this is something I have realised as I have matured, as I used to think the only way to live the best, independent, selfish life in your 20s was to be single AF. But, I don’t know anymore.
I am not saying that I will never go anywhere ever again- I HOPE NOT! But, I am not making it my sole focus and am enjoying the amazing place that I am so lucky to live, the moments I am having, the people I’m with and the person I am becoming along the way. When you do move about again, it will be when you’re ready to have a little dose of instability once again, and perhaps you won’t have to do it with almost zero savings, and perhaps you won’t have to do it alone.
Maybe right now is your time to be young, living in Australia, in a way you have never allowed yourself before. Maybe your time overseas was always meant to come later. Either way, just enjoy right now.